WANTED!

Az úgy volt, hogy Jimmy Kimmel sokat szórakozott a showjában azzal a poénnal, hogy „Most következik Matt Damon, de sajnos lejárt az időnk…”, míg egy napon meg nem hívta a Showba Mr. Damont, és alig hogy leültette, közölte, hogy lejárt az idő. Matt Damon persze kiverte a (mű)balhét…

Később, amikor a Jimmy Kimmel show az ötödik születésnapját ünnepelte, Kimmel meghívta az egyik rivális showwomant (Sarah Silvermant), aki ajándékba adta az „I’m fucking Matt Damon!” című számot. Később bosszúból Jimmy azt üzente: „Te elvettél tőlem valakit, akit nagyon szerettem, most én is elveszek tőled valakit, akit nagyon szeretsz.” Így készült el az „I’m fucking Ben Affleck!” címet hordozó műremek.

És most a lényeg: Itt van a két videó, de cenzúrázva. Ez minket nagyon zavar. Állítólag létezik a videóknak uncensored verziója valahol a neten, és mi, a barátaimmal nagyon sokat adnánk azért, ha ezeket bárki rendelkezésünkre tudná bocsájtani.

I’m fucking Matt Damon:

* Sarah Silverman: Hey Jimmy…it’s me. I’m in ahh, a hotel…I don’t know I’ve been on the road so long I..I don’t even know what city I’m in any more to be honest. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and ahh, I’ve been needing to tell you something. I don’t know why I haven’t but it’s important, I mean we’ve been together for so long, over 5 years, and I still haven’t told you and it’s just not right, so here it goes.

* Sarah Silverman: I’m fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: I’m sorry but it’s true

* Sarah Silverman: I’m fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: I’m not imagining it’s you

* Sarah Silverman: I’m fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar

* Sarah Silverman: I’m fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: While you’re drinking diet Snapple

* Sarah Silverman: I said I’m fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She said she’s fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: Hey Kimmel, how do you like them apples? Get it? ‘Cause, ’cause I’m talking about her breasts…
Sarah Silverman: Yeah…it’s…it’s funny…

* Sarah Silverman: Hey Jim, don’t take it bad…Remember all the good times we had…Like the time we went fishing…And we caught a bunch of fish…Then you puked in the bucket…On the fish that we caught…

* Girls: Knock knock!
Boys: Who’s that knocking at my door?
Girls: Imefa!
Boys: Imefa who?
Girls: I’m fucking Matt Damon!
Boys: She’s fucking Matt Damon!
Sarah Silverman: Analyze!
Everyone: F-U-C-K Matt D-A-M-O-N…I said F-U-C-K Matt D-A-M-O-N

* Sarah Silverman: I’m fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: And you know that I ain’t lying

* Sarah Silverman: I said I’m fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: Ask The Insider’s Pat O’Brien
The Insider’s Pat O’Brien: It’s true, The Insider has confirmed that she is in fact fucking Matt Damon

* Sarah Silverman: [Remember when] Last week when I was playing Scrabble with you online, I was fucking Matt Damon

* Matt Damon: [Remember when] You went back and forth to do your show and Regis and Kelly’s show, she was DEFINITELY fucking Matt Damon

* Sarah Silverman: [Remember when] I told you I was fucking Matt Damon? I WAS fucking Matt Damon.

* Sarah Silverman: On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar

Matt Damon: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Matt Damon: She’s fucking Matt Damon
Sarah Silverman: I love L.A.!

* Sarah Silverman: So, that’s it…umm….I think I was clear?

Matt Damon: No, you did great.

Sarah Silverman: Oohh, it was okay. [laughs]

Matt Damon: Pretty damn good.

Sarah Silverman: Ummm, anyway…umm, you know, we had a great run Jim and ahhh, I hope there’s no hard feelings, I hope we can be friends. I’m friends with all my boyfriends, my old boyfriends. If anything isn’t clear or you need closure of some kind, please please call my publicist Amy Zvi at BNCPR. So take care

Matt Damon: You know what? Stop right there….Jimmy we’re out of time…sorry.

Sarah Silverman: [laughs] You are soo bad!

Matt Damon: A little bit, let’s put that guitar down and go fuck in my bed…See ya Jimmy.

I’m fucking Ben Affleck:

Jimmy Kimmel: Oh, Hi Sarah. It’s been a long time. I guess you’ve been…busy with…Matt Damon. I’ve been busy too. I’ve been thinking about us, and you and him and, I’m happy for you. I really am. He’s a great guy. I mean he’s the sexiest man alive. I found somebodye pretty sexy too. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but…I’m fucking Ben Affleck!

Ben Affleck: He’s fucking Ben Affleck.

Jimmy Kimmel: While you and Matt are swappin’ spit. I said I’m fucking Ben Affleck!

Ben Affleck: He said he’s fucking Ben Affleck. Hey Sarah, he’s got bigger tits.

Jimmy Kimmel: They’re not hairy though, right?

Ben Affleck: No…

Brad Pitt: Excuse me…Is someone here…fucking Ben Affleck?

Jimmy Kimmel: I am! I’m fucking him!

Brad Pitt: Great, sign here.

Jimmy Kimmel: Thank you. [Reads cake] Congratulations on fucking Ben Affleck.

Crowd & Ben: Ahhhh….

Brad Pitt: What did you wish for?

Jimmy Kimmel & Ben Affleck: When we’re together there’s this feeling inside.
It’s like a million butterflies flutterin’ in my behind.
I love the dimples in your chin, I see diamonds in your eyes.
When I’m fucking you Ben Affleck I feel like I can fly.
And our fucking won’t be stopped no matter how hard they try.

Ben Affleck: They can’t stop it.

Jimmy Kimmel: They can’t stop it.

Joan Jett: You won’t tear them apart. You can’t stop this love affair, cause they love f-u-c-k-i-n-g.

Robin Williams: This is not a man crush. He’s fucking our friend Ben.

Don Cheadle: And so we all…we all hope Matt will understand…

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben

Pete Wentz & Dominic Monaghan: Fucking Ben Affleck

Perry Farrell: Yeah, Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison.

Everyone: Just like prison.

Macy Gray: He’s fucking Ben…Ben Affleck’s his guy.

Joel Madden and Benji Madden: Oh, it’s through the fucking night and day…

Lance Bass: Just ask Huey!

Cameron Diaz: Okay, I’ll ask him Huey, did you see them fuck at all?

Huey Luis: Yes, I saw them fuck. They were in a bathroom stall.

Josh Groban: Oooohhh ooohhhh oohhh he’s fucking Ben, fucking Ben Affleck. He’s fuuuucking Bennnn!

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben. He’s fucking Ben Affleck!

Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison!

Meatloaf & Everyone: He’s fucking Ben. Ben Affleck’s his guy!

Joel Madden and Benji Madden: Do the fucking every way.

Dicky Barrett: Just ask Don Cheadle!

Don Cheadle: Ooohhhh ooohhh ooohhh he’s fucking Ben.

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben Affleck!

[Harrison Ford blows a kiss to Ben and Jimmy]

Everyone: Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison.

Christina Applegate & Rebecca Romijn: Just like prison!

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben! Fucking Ben Affleck. Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison. He’s fucking Ben. Ben Affleck’s his guy!

Huey Luis & Cameron Diaz: They’ve been making sweet sweet love, Ben and Jimmy!

Josh Groban: That was pretty fuckin’ good.

Please help us! ;-P”